So by now everyone’s read Virender Sehwag’s interview on cricinfo and you’ve probably noticed how Viru said one of the great things about Kirsten’s coaching is that practice sessions are optional. Thats an awesome coach right there, Ganguly would have thrived under him. Don’t be too surprised if fielding levels continue to slip and one of two of the fitter guys end up with paunches in a few months.
But thats got nothing on Gary’s latest recommendation to the Indian players. “MAKE MORE LOVE, HAVE MORE SEX, PROCREATE!” commanded Kirsten to a more than just a few nervous giggles (and this is before Virat Kohli made his juvenile presence felt, speaking of which…). Yuvraj was probably like “Yeah, like we needed your permission Boss?” followed by “Oh WAIT! This means I can officially fuck around now, even when we’re supposed to be practicing.”
You’d have thought Gary would have taken into account that Yuvraj is a brash, gaatti, partying-till-the-sun-goes-up, fun kinda guy. You’d also have thought that Gary would have considered that Yuvraj is one of the few batsmen in world cricket who can take a score from 180-5 from 36 overs to 330-6 by the time the innings concludes. Which is why it shouldn’t be too hard for you to imagine the disastrous sequence of events that have led to Virat Kohli bringing his adolscent ass to the party:
Day 1: Arrive in South Africa. New Vision is read out. Yuvraj’s eyes light up and he immediately pats an annoyed Gambhir on the back and says “So, hows that groin doing?”
Day 2: GK: Hey Yuvi, me and the guys are going down to the wanderers to practice, you wanna come along?
YS: No thanks, I think I’ll make out in the gym and find a few fine wanderers there if you know what I mean.
GK: Haha Gotchya. Btw, I think you mean work out.
YS: Yeah yeah, whatever you wanna call it boss.
Day 3: GK: Hey Yuvraj, you’re up early. Wait, did you sleep at all last night? And why have you got pollen all over yourself?
YS: Urm no, I was busy practising my pick up and throwing skills first and then after that I did a lot of diving and rolling about in the fields. I’m gonna take a nap and recharge those batteries boss.
Day 4: GK: Hey Yuvi, would be nice if you could join us in the middle. MS says he’s like to face your bowling for a while?
YS: Sorry Boss, my arms are tired and the variety I’ve been adding to my balls has drained me both physically and mentally. I’ll go for a work-out in the evening, don’t worry.
Day 5: YS: Hey Boss, I need to talk to you…
GK: Oh Great, Yuvi, just the guy I was looking for. Hey whats up, you don’t look so good?
YS: You know all that vision and talk you were giving us boss. Well I was practising really hard, you know, taking one for the team. And I think I’ve broken my finger.
GK: What? Your hands look fine Yuvi…
YS: Urm… Not that finger boss.
GK: !
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